HILARIOUS Jokes

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HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Generalcon2 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 5:19 pm

One day, three men were walking in the woods. They were knocked out by indians and taken to the indian chief. The indian chief said, bring me 10 of the same fruit. The three men said ok. One brought back three apples. The indian chief told the man to put them all up his butt without changing his facial expression. The man got two in than cried. He was shot. The second man brought grapes. He put 9 in than burst into laughter and was shot. In heaven, the two men met and the first man said "Why did you laugh, you almost got away?" The Second man replied "I saw the third guy bringing pineapples."

One day, St. Peter was telling everyone lining up to get into heaven that heaven was full and only people that died of horrible deaths could get in. The first man said "Well I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I left work earlier and went to my apartment and I lived on the 25th floor. I looked around and saw a man dangling from the balcony. I started kicking him but he wouldn't die. So I went to get my hammer and I pounded his fists. He fell into the bushes below, but lived. I grabbed the fridge and threw it off the balcony and I killed him instantly. I died of a heart attack because of the stress." St. Peter said "You sound like you've had a pretty bad day, go ahead in." The second guy said "Well, I was doing my normal morning excersises on the 26th floor balcony, when I fell and landed on the balcony below. I thought I was saved when some guy came in, but he started kicking me! Then he left and I'm like 'thank god' but then he grabbed a hammer and pounded my fists and I fell into the bushes. I thought it was a miracle because I lived. But then, I giant fridge fell out of the sky, killing me." St. Peter said "You poor thing, go ahead in." The third man said "Picture me naked, inside of a fridge...

One day, this guy was walking into the bar, when he noticed there was a bar challenge. If he won, he got free beer forever. He asked the bartender "What is the Bar Challenge?" The Bartender replied "First, you have to drink a whole gallon of pepper tequila. Then, theres an alligator out back with a sore tooth, you need to pull it out. And finally, theres a girl upstairs in the bedroom, if ya know what I mean." The man said "I don't know, that sounds a bit crazy for me." After he drank about 5 beers, he asked "Whersh da Takeela." He drank it all in 1 gulp. He then went out back to the alligator. Everyone in the bar heard a terrifying scream. When he came back, he said "Wheres the girl with the sore tooth..."

I'll be adding some more soon, but idk, they might be a little innappropriate.


Last edited by Generalcon2 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 7:52 pm; edited 3 times in total

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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Popyseed11 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 5:23 pm

ROFL!!!
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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Generalcon2 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 6:46 pm

I hope you enjoy Very Happy

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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Generalcon2 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 7:43 pm

There was an American guy, A french guy, a portuguese guy, and a mexican guy on a boat. The boat was starting to sink when they decided to throw stuff overboard. The french guy threw his paintings overboard. The portuguese guy threw his food overboard. The Mexican guy threw his tacos overboard and the American said "I know what I'm gonna throw overboard..." He grabbed the mexican and said "We have enough of you in our country already!"

Woman: Is there a problem officer?
Officer: Yes man, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh I see.
Officer: Can I see your license ma'am?
Woman: I don't have one. Its been taken away 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: You don't? Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?
Woman: Sorry, this car is stolen.
Officer: Stolen?
Woman: Yep, and I hacked up the owner. He's in a plastic bag in the back of the car.
Officer: *reaches for radio* I need backup!
Officer 2: One of my officers told me you stole this car?
Woman: Thats odd. I have the papers right here.
Officer 2: He also said you had no drivers license.
Woman: Here it is right here.
Officer 2: He also said you killed the owner and its in the trunk?
Woman: Lies.
Officer 2: *Opens trunk* It's empty.
Woman: Told you.
Officer 2: Sorry ma'am, one of my officers said that this car was stolen and you killed the owner.
Woman: I bet the filthy liar said I was speeding too...


Last edited by Generalcon2 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 7:58 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Zombie0wnage on Wed Mar 10, 2010 7:57 pm

Lol the 3rd one is horrible but awesome Very Happy
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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Generalcon2 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 7:58 pm

Lol Very Happy

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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Zombie0wnage on Wed Mar 10, 2010 7:59 pm

lol get on runescape Very Happy
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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Popyseed11 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 8:07 pm

Third one is so true Razz
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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Generalcon2 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 8:29 pm

There was once this man who's doctor told him to lose 75 pounds. He found an ad in the paper that told him he could lose 10 pounds in three days. "10 pounds me _ _ _" He was desperate though, so he tried. He called and the next day, someone rang his doorbell. It was a girl in her mid twenties wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign that said 'If you can catch me, you can have me.' He ran for hours and finally caught her. The same thing happened for 3 days. He decided he wanted to try the 20 pound/ 5 day program. The same thing happens with the girl. Finally he says "I want the 50 pound 7 day program.' The man said "Are you sure, thats our most rigorous program!" He said "I don't care." The next day he heard the doorbell rang and when he opened it, Richard Simmons was standing there with a sign that said "If I can catch you, I can have you."

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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by FlareonMaster on Wed Mar 10, 2010 8:38 pm

This belongs in Stories and Games so moved to that section. Razz

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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Salmarnir on Wed Mar 10, 2010 8:39 pm

LOL!!! That would suck.

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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Popyseed11 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:02 pm

ROFL!!!!
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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Archaon 5100 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:32 pm

lol
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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Eagle Eye307 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:45 pm

LOL!

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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Generalcon2 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:10 pm

One day an old couple were sitting in bed when one of them 'farts' and says seven pointer. The wife said "what?" The husband replied "I just scored seven points. The wife 'farted' as well and said "seven pointer, tie game. The Old Man 'farted' again and said "14-7" The wife did the same. She let out a small one and said "Field goal, 17-14." The man refused to be beaten so he pushed as hard as he could. Nothing. He tried again and accidentally pooped on the bed. He then said "Half time, switch sides."

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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Popyseed11 on Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:18 pm

Hehe, that's nasty!
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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Salmarnir on Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:58 pm

I loled irl.

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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by doge on Fri Apr 02, 2010 9:22 am

I like to fart and watch Ice Road Truckers.
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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

Post by Zombie0wnage on Sat Apr 03, 2010 3:18 pm

No....Lets not do that
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Re: HILARIOUS Jokes

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